All The Freshness of Ireland

This great adventure happened in Canada although it started in Ireland. Every morning I read the same label over and over again. "All the Freshness of Ireland, Bottled." I read it from a bottle of Irish Spring body wash. I am amazed that all of Ireland's freshness can be stored in a bottle. It must be true, I've read it at least 489 times and sometimes up to 6 times a day. So I found myself thinking if someone wants to smell like Ireland then maybe someone would want to smell like Canada or maybe Mexico. I can see it now.

"All the freshness of Canada, Bottled"

Obviously it will be called "Maple Spring" body wash. I mean if a leprechaun smells good, pancakes must smell even better. I don't know anyone that would turn down a stack of five covered in the goodness of Canada. So this body wash would definitely have the real stuff not that imitation Canada stuff that comes from Jamaica. So last week I set off for Canada to, you know, collect the freshness of Canada. But before I set off for Canada I had to find out how you collect all the freshness of one country. So I emailed irishspring.com and consequently went to Walmart to pick up 800 beakers. I now had everything I needed.

So I crossed the border to get to Canada and started collecting the whole countries freshness. After traveling 3419 miles all over the country I had 765 beakers full of the stuff when it happened. The Canadian Mounty showed up just when I was filling up beaker number 766. Apparently you need a permit for collecting freshness, who knew? Luckily I knew a retired Canadian Mounty (Joseph Peterson) that had become quite famous. I was let off with a warning but they confiscated all my freshness that I had collected.

I went home empty handed but not without the much needed experience for my next Idea, "Bean Spring" body wash con queso. Mexico has to have much more lax laws when it comes to collecting freshness.